I was thinking of reaching out and just wishing him well, and that it was unfortunate how things ended but so happy to see he graduated med school etc. She responded immediately but as the cold/distant ex. You must understand that the person who is reaching out is seeking attention from another person. Never wait for an ex to reach out. It won’t ever work if you try. If you lack self respect, others will not respect you (your ex included). It’s about working on yourself? Its now been 3.5 years since then and I've now been dating someone for 3 years and very happy. ... Clean out expired products and clutter to make way for a healthier you. That's why when she wants her ex back, she finds a way to casually ask him to go as her +1 to an event, like her cousin's wedding out of town. i am still sad thinking about what he is doing or whether he is spending time with other female friends or dating again and that sucks :( i try to not think about it but i still do :(. Keeping in touch with an ex when you're in a new relationship is risky, but not impossible. No need to complicate things in his life and yours. I want to reach out and introduce myself on my own, also because I have no idea what is being said about me over there in front of my daughter. Life goes on. I don't regret it because our situation was unique, being long distance and knowing she loves me, even if she feels she can't be with me (Ptsd related). Think about the progress you’ve made, even if it’s been minuscule so far, progress is progress. /u/Chocobean, this wouldn't be the first time you've come to my reddit rescue. If I did that, that just shows I didn't really care for them that much. 5. 1. I was thinking of reaching out and just wishing him well, and that it was unfortunate how things ended but so happy to see he graduated med school etc. He may, for instance, leave out letters or avoid writing out complete words — "How r u," for instance. İts perfect. If you’re reaching out to your ex (texting, emailing, or calling) or obsessively checking their social media profile (all. Posted by 3 days ago. It rarely works. Mutual respect or whatever. Yes. I was lied to and used and like I said—it did a number on me big time. Social Psychological and Personality Science 4 (2), 175-180. No reply? Did I love him more than he ever loved me? Even if your actions are genuine and you merely want your ex to talk to you in a friendly manner, you can’t force your ex to be ready before he or she is actually ready. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Some person does not know the boundry or just plays with you. In some more rare breakups, dumpers are still a bit connected to their dumpees and will reach out for a casual conversation. I’m yet to read one positive outcome. Every step you take to strengthening yourself, no matter what it is that you’ve got to do, you’ll get there. I broke NC after a couple months, but this is great advice. And maybe this stupid decision is part of that whole process. Reaching out to him says he’s the best you can do. And for people who aren’t just trying to cushion the blow while their ex is weeping in front of them, it can be really tough to say “no” to an ex who reaches out in a friendly way. The years after college were long distance but we were best friends and instrumental in each others lives and growing up. I’m not going to stop you, nobody can. I needed to read this especially the last point. however I do have this feeling of sadness that we ended things in a bad way after we were best friends for so long. "Just be … Just leave it as it is. Who broke up with who? 0. Your ex is only sending you breadcrumbs and isn’t open to communication yet. If you're considering reaching out to an ex, thinking about what exactly it is that you want and how the other person will perceive your communication can help you make a better decision. Keep this somewhere visible, like your bathroom mirror or fridge, and focus on that when you feel like you miss your ex and want to reach out, she says. Close. reaching out to ex. Yeah, my cheating university ex used to reach out to chat and ask how my life was going every now and then for ~5 years after we broke up. And was the breakup mutual? "Expectations lead to letdowns and disappointments." The impulse to reach out to an ex, whether it is because you still have feelings for them, you are seeking comfort and familiarity, or you simply want to know how they are doing, is often a … Of course, people reach out to their exes all the time, especially when faced with a personal tragedy or moment of distress; I remember my own (misguided) attempt to soothe my own fear and loneliness by reconnecting with my New York-based ex when I … Instead of contacting him, I silently wish him well. Because there are now more people involved, it's … And if you were the one to break things off, your ex could be reaching out in order to get some closure. You are right all about this. You deserve better but reaching out to your ex suggests you don’t. Shutterstock. Question. This is dependent on my answer on what to do, but from a males perspective: If my ex breaks up with me over something I don't agree with: I do not want to hear from them in any form, and I would probably respond negatively to a form of communication from her. I struggle everyday with NC. “It just shows a lack of effort.” (I mean, obviously, right It's hard to get over any breakup — let alone one with a person you thought you would be with forever. We’re guessing he cheated on you, took you for granted, or just didn’t make you feel wanted, all of which suck. 6 Bowe G. (2010). Let them know you're not going to wring their neck or cut off all the buttons on their nice shirts. Eh. I do understand that some people want physical touch, but that's personally not me. I can't explain it! I used to be the queen of reaching out to exes at very inopportune times. Then finally I blocked him everywhere. Well?? The relationship ended suddenly after 5 years when he started getting depressed while in med school. ... Clean out expired products and clutter to make way for a healthier you. Because I miss them, because I think they're good people, even if we didn't work out. Going to read this every day. Use that power for your own health. So avoid reaching out to your ex first no matter how much you crave your ex’s attention. He did a number on me and I was drowning. Nice i'll save this to share when someone post about wanting to reach out. Specifically, they usually wanted to ensure that their ex was safe and healthy, or to see how they were coping emotionally. CAN’T STAY AWAY: “I’m addicted to you.” “I can’t stop thinking about you.” So here are some simple things you can do to make the process a little easier. We continued talking but stopped after 6 more months as I wanted to start seeing other people and he hadn't talked about getting back together. It's all a ploy to get him to relive the first time they met and realize they were always perfect for each other. The ill-fated “lets be friends” cliche is still alive and well. 23 Libra Man: He Will Lather On The Compliments! If NC breaks I want him to do it for his own good, not mine. If I broke up with my ex over something we DID agree on: same as #2. The single most common reason—regardless of one’s current relationship status—was to check on them. "You'll be joyfully surprised if you get a positive response," Walfish notes. I chatted with him politely a few times out of curiosity and told him my life was awesome. ... Why would I reach out to an ex? He’s made progress? Maybe, just maybe they’ve just moved into the stage of missing you and curiosity. That is something you'd work through if you truly love somebody. Dumpers wish to discern whether their dumpees are extremely hurt, jealous, insecure, angry or perhaps unaffected. The first option seems positive on the surface, but there’s a reason you broke up and it’s probably a good one. If you reach out, could you be resetting your progress? And the sad part is that these intentions will have nothing to do with you, but everything with your ex. This goes double if … Although it is very very hard like today I had a relapse—like these two weeks of not stalking would be for nothing if I stalked again and get dragged into a life I am not even a part of anymore. A subreddit to discuss and vent about the dating process and learn from the experiences of others, Press J to jump to the feed. There's this weird comfort in the certainty that even though he's the one who ended things and we haven't shared a peep since then, that he wouldn't ignore me. FilippoBacci/E+/Getty Images. Guess I needed to do that. Heck, I just sent a text message to a guy I adored with my entire soul, knowing that he won’t respond or won’t even blink an eye reading it. Typically it isn’t recommended to hook up with an ex for fear of bringing on unwanted feelings, but this is the exception. Let them go. My ex ghosted me for the legit girlfriend whom I thought was only his friend when I asked him who she is. The only way to reach out to an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend is by appearing simple and authentic. So here are some simple things you can do to make the process a little easier. If I had a dream about my ex… But In my case I wanted to reach out so she knows I don't hate her, even though she's treated me like crap to hide from her issues. You have the power not to reach out. ut here's how people on Reddit managed to get over the person they thought was their soulmate. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, More posts from the ExNoContact community, Press J to jump to the feed. Oddly enough...the fact that I know my ex would respond and not ignore me is the precise reason I refuse to break NC. A great reminder to all who’s going through NC. It's hard to get over any breakup — let alone one with a person you thought you would be with forever. Oh well. They made the call to walk out of your life and it’s their responsibility to walk back into it, if that’s what they want. “Resuming communication could also be a way of testing the waters. My ex reached out to me frequently and wasted so much my time. Look through the posts in this subreddit of people’s stories about breaking NC. If I had a dream about my ex, you'd bet he would know. the. But since breadcrumbs are not about reconciliation, your dumper ex will reach out with different intentions. If you reach out to your ex, there are only three possible outcomes: he’ll confess his undying love for you, he’ll respond nonchalantly, or he won’t reply at all. [sending blank texts] [putting random likes on Facebook posts] 7. I dated someone starting my senior year of college for 5 years. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Needed to read this like 10 minutes ago before I texted. If you reach out, you’ve just ruined all the progress. Self respect is the most important thing. Doubt it because I missed him the second he left. My problem is I just can't stop thinking about her, playing out scenarios in my head if she does reach out. But ultimately, no contact isn’t for your ex, it’s for you. I needed this about 10 minutes ago, before I decided to send a heartfelt message to him. And that’s why he or she needs more time to find a reason to converse with you. Now I have no one to go to. But if you reach out and get ignored or not the response you’re looking for, how much will that set you back? Mind you, I don't actually reach out -- best to not stir shit up. The first option seems positive on the surface, but there’s a reason you broke up and it’s probably a good one. But that peace has been largely untested for 7 months. Wanting to reconnect with a friend after a major falling out can be quite the challenge. It's all a ploy to get him to relive the first time they met and realize they were always perfect for each other. This way you prove first and foremost to yourself and also to your ex that their absence doesn’t bother you. If you reach out to your ex, there are only three possible outcomes: he’ll confess his undying love for you, he’ll respond nonchalantly, or he won’t reply at all. Be open, kind, respectful, and get straight to the point. He kept reaching out until she deleted him off her Facebook. I felt pain again and again. It's like finally accepting that the relationship was real and valid and not one-sided and you know...remembering he's human too and has feelings and things to do to work on himself whether we reconcile or not. Evidently, yes. 6. ... help Reddit App Reddit coins Reddit premium Reddit gifts. However I think I do have abandonment issues I would like to worth through because of this and my dad leaving my mom. That's why when she wants her ex back, she finds a way to casually ask him to go as her +1 to an event, like her cousin's wedding out of town. It's a weird place to get to, but if you can do that...it's great. So as long as you have zero expectations, I think breaking nc can be ok. will you really be able to let go of your ex? I’m here to tell you that this is a BIG opportunity for you …and it’s something you shouldn’t ruin. This is all so true. Gonna save this. There is no change I would want to get back together as I'm happy in my relationship and live in a different country. Most experts agree: you should not reach out to your ex unless you hope to salvage a treasured friendship. Being open, empathetic and negotiating one's needs and desires with the ex… If I broke up with my ex over something we didn't agree on: I might respond and would probably question why they reached out, but it would be very short. Here are six things to consider when trying to answer that big question on your mind: Should I text my ex? There are so many fantastic men out there — you should be spending your time exploring them. Mine is more on no stalking. JUST REACHING OUT. Typically it isn’t recommended to hook up with an ex for fear of bringing on unwanted feelings, but this is the exception. Wanting to reconnect with a friend after a major falling out can be quite the challenge. And finally, if you feel like it's appropriate, you can also reach out to your ex for closure — but proceed with caution. They made the call to walk out of your life and it’s their responsibility to walk back into it, if that’s what they want. Yeah, my cheating university ex used to reach out to chat and ask how my life was going every now and then for ~5 years after we broke up. The breakup happened and your only focus right now should still be yourself and your own healing. Most experts agree: you should not reach out to your ex unless you hope to salvage a treasured friendship. For example, if you’re following the no contact rule when you have kids, reach out directly about the children. Sure you could be the first, but the odds aren’t in your favour. This goes double if you had a true friendship at the center of your bond. Both parties go back to their regularly scheduled programming? Assuming you haven’t blocked them everywhere, if they miss you or regret breaking up, they will reach out. "Reach out when you are ready but don't expect a response," Shan Boodram, author, certified sex educator, and host of Facebook Watch's Make Up or Break Up, tells Bustle. Eh, I’m used to it. How long were you in NC before you decided to reach out? You wish him well, then what? time. I used to be the queen of reaching out to exes at very inopportune times. Of course, people reach out to their exes all the time, especially when faced with a personal tragedy or moment of distress; I remember my own (misguided) attempt to soothe my own fear and loneliness by reconnecting with my New York-based ex when I moved here four years ago. It took a lot out of them to build up enough courage to reach out to you, writing a text, of course, is easy—but swallowing your pride and committing to opening up communication is a lot to risk. “It’s the ultimate in lazy,” Gandhi said. I feel pretty at peace. Forget Ghosting—This Is the … What it doesn’t necessarily mean, is that they want to get back together. It takes time, but you realise your worth in the end. Reaching out to him says he’s the best you can do. Like Lora E. Park, Diana T. Sanchez and Kimberly Brynildsen propose in " Maladaptive Responses to Relationship Dissolution," reaching out to your ex … Because he blocked me everywhere. The impulse to reach out to an ex, whether it is because you still have feelings for them, you are seeking comfort and familiarity, or you simply want to know how they are doing, is often a bad idea. The ill-fated “lets be friends” cliche is still alive and well. It won’t ever work if you try. You deserve better but reaching out to your ex suggests you don’t. So why are so many people reaching out to their exes right now? For all I … That text, email or social media message is bound to throw you off-track, of course. Once things have definitively ended, it's best to wait a few days before reaching out platonically. ), it means you’re still … Awesome for him. But I'm currently in a relationship where I'd rather be physically alone if it meant keeping my girlfriend I love, and as long as the love remained mutual. However, if your ex reaches out for little to no reason at all and doesn’t show any signs of interest, you don’t have a choice but to go back to no contact. I'd rather keep love regardless of inadvertent events. What’s important to keep at the forefront of your mind, is that an ex reaching out does not change anything. Unfortunately, there is no real way to speed up the recovery process. If my ex breaks up with me over something I DO agree with: I'll respond with one message back only and wish them well. Ex appeal: Current relationship quality and emotional attachment to ex-partners. You deserve better. I deleted him off Facebook a few years ago so I’ve not heard from him since then. Don't text your ex impulsively. ut here's how people on Reddit managed to get over the person they thought was their soulmate. But ultimately, no contact isn’t for your ex… Long distance does play a role. I would be open to thoughts and what to say. 23 … Even though your ex broke up with you, the reaching out is an indication there’s a part of them that misses you – even if they don’t say that in their message or call. There are three reaching-out strategies associated with attachment styles. Me too I’ve been 3 months NC and I’m having a hard time. But I ask you to consider this first before reaching out: if they will reply, who will be replying - the cold, blunt ex who broke up with you, or the person you fell in love with? Dealing with social media. If you reach out, you’ve just ruined all the progress. Message me?? So tread lightly. It was for my own peace of mind, and although nothing came of it, I'm not left wondering if she knows I don't hate her. I am not much in be together with ex or hoping to get back together. If I saw a guy who looked like my ex, I would tell my ex about it. You said it ended because of his depression, so I'm not sure what that really looked like. Even if they are stubborn. I needed this so badly right now thank you. Power playing – Your ex makes contact to find out if you are still thinking of them and/or want them back and when you don’t take the bait, they contact you about something else or create some kind of drama to trigger you to respond. “If they felt the split was abrupt, confusing or left them with unresolved feelings, an ex might reach out to gain clarity,” therapist Anna Poss said. Just remember: The key to reaching out to an ex is to expect absolutely nothing. It’s about working on yourself, relearning who you are, and eventually you will be able to let go of your ex no matter how devastating that may sound right now. Is there really anything else you could say that can change anything from this point onwards? But don’t let it deter you from how far you've come. There are so many fantastic men out there — you should be spending your time exploring them. Unfortunately, there is no real way to speed up the recovery process. He’s only just started to miss me? When your ex girlfriend reaches out after a long time of no contact, the emotions come back, old passions flare, and your brain starts spinning around wondering what the heck you should do. This example of hoovering is when narcissists do something passive to put themselves into your mind to try to encourage or provoke you into reaching out first. The only time I decided to swim was remove my dummy accounts and focus on me. We’re guessing he cheated on you, took you for granted, or just didn’t make you feel wanted, all of which suck. And for people who aren’t just trying to cushion the blow while their ex is weeping in front of them, it can be really tough to say “no” to an ex who reaches out in a friendly way. This man now lives with my daughter in their new house, and even alone with her when my ex works graveyard. It’s heart wrenching. Be positive, not negative. That is what is killing me. Thanks for the reminder! Maybe, just maybe they’ve just moved into the stage of missing you and curiosity. If I saw a guy who looked like my ex, I would tell my ex about it. I know how you’re feeling right now. reaching out to ex. Thanks for this. I am strong enough to not reach out, for sure this would yield a negative result. Its so hard to contact again and again and repeat the progress from 0. It sucks because he was my best friend before we broke up. Many dumpers reach out to their exes shortly after the breakup to see how they react. Giving your former partner time and space … My personal opinion, which isn't popular: I wouldn't break up with my girlfriend if an event (an event out of their control, such as stress endured by med school) in their life caused them to become depressed. Friends for so long included reaching out to an ex reddit I did n't really care for them that much an or. 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